Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just some thoughts

I've always been rather weary about blogging about my personal life for all the world to see but writing can be very theraputic so here I go.

My husband and I went to see Slumdog Millionaire on Sunday night. It was a moving film that was amazing, but... not my point. During the previews, we saw one for "I Love you, Man" about a guy getting married who realizes he has no guys friends when trying to pick his Best Man.

Many times in my life, including now, I've felt the same way. Who are my friends? Maybe it's because I have 4 sisters + my cousin who is practically a sister that are my closest friends. I've never really pinned it down, but about this time last year, I analyzed my life and friendships. About every two years or so, I realized my entire friendship circles change, drastically. It doesn't really bother me, until I think about it or see my husband with his friends from elementary school.

Now, I've moved away from my sister's and "comfort zone" of friends to Tennessee where I had to start over. I've realized I don't have as much in common with people here as I did back home. Maybe it's culture, maybe it's not. Again, not sure...but it might just be ME.

My dream has always been to have lifelong friends that are a part of major events in life (eg. baby showers, births, new homes). Sometimes I wonder if that'll ever happen. My college friends were amazing, but none live within a 100 mile radius of me. So to "stop by and visit" is more of a planned vacation.

So, why did I make such solid friends in college, but none live near me...yet, where I am now, all I have are superficial friendships?

I guess I need to make more of an effort at being a good friend. Just thinking out loud.


  1. I have a theory...I think that in college and growing up you have solid friendships because you spend 90% of your day with these people that become your friends. You go to class together, you eat together everyday, you hang out after class together etc. Because of this you grow super close, very quickly.

    After school, especially when you are married, your time is spread thin. 90% of your day is spent at work or with your significant other and then 10% of your time you actually get to spend with friends. And that 10% is spread out. It's not EVERYDAY like it was in's once or twice a week making it hard to grow close to people fast. Not to mention scheduling time to get together with other "couple" friends is like pulling teeth sometimes because you are now working 4 schedules instead of just 2.

    So that's my theory.

  2. It's a good theory =) Thank you for reading.

  3. Jenelle, I agree! I've always felt like I've been missing out on lifelong friendships. I also think it's a process all post-graduates go through. It's good to hear I'm not the only one!

  4. Hey Jenelle,

    I'm with you on the friendship thing. Ever since we moved to TN I haven't been able to establish and mature friendships like I did in OH. In OH we made great friendships and even though we moved away 4 years ago, we still keep in touch and visit each other. I do admit, it is hard work and you have to always keep in mind to call or e-mail or find a way to stay in touch, but it works!

    Here in TN I have found that friendships are, like you stated, superficial. I've attempted to move from the superficial to the more deeper relationship but it hasn't worked out. I hate to say it but for a while I stopped trying and got discouraged but the Lord called me on that one. I think personally, I haven't been praying and asking the Lord for his will in this area of my life like I did in the past. Remember, prayer is the answer to everything and speaking for myself, I don't do it enough.

    I didn't go to college so I don't have a theory on that :o) but the Lord will put someone in your path to grow old with in friendship...I'm sure of that! God bless you!

  5. Hey Jenelle,
    You made me think. As I thought of your question I went back to my elementary years and realized how one experience can have a life lasting impact, even when it is something as simple as making a decision of who will be your friend.(here's a story not even you heard)
    I had a friend in the 4Th grade, her name was Betsy Mendoza, who lived in Live-Oak, Cudahy,California. I learned her father's name so I wouldn't forget, Maximo Mendoza and her sister Alicia Mendoza. My thoughts were,in the event I would loose her when I grew up would find her). She was my very best friend as a little girl. I loved going to school to be with her, talk to her and just be friends. When she moved I went to Catholic school, never to see Betsy again. That broke my heart. I cried for ever. I still remember my little best friends face and I don't even have a picture. As a result, I never wanted to be attached to any friend who did not have, in some way, relationship with my family. Even then, I would be careful, just in case they would not be possible permanent friends.I was afraid of not having control over the loss. So my best friend for over 35 years is exactly that, someone who is so connected to my family (as friends) that no one and I mean no one could ever separate us.
    Years later that friend was there for better and for worse and united in career and ministry to work together for the Lord. I have been able to give my daughters the example of at least ONE true good childhood friend that went off, got her degree, got married, has her own family and yet still remains to be, in many ways, a special part of our lives.
    I have many friends, (superficial friends as you call them), but still they consider themselves my friends. I have been blessed to even meet, after 26 years, friends from my High School, who live one mile away from my home, after we both moved 3000 miles away from our High School vicinity we found each other in a local restaurant. Yet, no one is like that one best friend who grew up and I could relate back to my childhood, adult life and really knows who I am and is able to re-live my photo albums with me. You'll find the superficial ones anywhere you go, but a true friend that you can experience the good, bad and indifferent and still call her a friend, they will be few and scarce.
    So now that you made me think, I realized I'm the one who looks at certain friends as superficial, maybe they are sincere and I'm not giving them a chance because I'm afraid to loose them like I lost Betsy. I rather stay secure with my guarantee faithful friend for life and everyone else can come and go without any impact in my heart. (I'm OK with that)
    But remember this, many of us do not have three sisters and a cousin, that is like a sister, who are our best friends, nor a best friend who sleeps with you and is always willing to listen patiently. So I thank you for making me think and going back in time and treasuring my best friend and my blood sister who is more than a sister she is a friend. And Congratulations on those you have been able to harvest in your yound adult life. God Bless you? :)