Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The End of my 25th Year.

I always wanted my 25th year to be a big deal because it's the big "25", a quarter of a century old. Now a few days before my 26th birthday, I started wondering what was so great about this year. After last weekend at the marriage retreat, several things surfaced that helped me analyze just that.

As a wife, I had been praying for several of my weaknesses that were affecting my marriage and my husband. It was on the undercurrent for quite some time, because since I felt it was second nature, I never truly noticed how it was truly affecting everyone around me, especially my husband. It wasn't until about 1 1/2 years ago that I consciously made the decision to change. It was hard!!!

You may be curious as to what weaknesses I'm taking about. Well, in one word: anger. I gave in to fits of rage or get angry quicker than anyone. It was terrible and as I felt the anger rising, instead of stopping it, I would feed it and let it loose to create destruction knowing I would feel remorse afterwards. It was terrible and even writing it is hard to admit. But I wouldn't be writing it if things hadn't changed. This is a mini-testimony of what the Lord has done for me this year.

After making that decision to allow the Lord to work in me I saw meekness, kindness, mercy, gentleness, patience and love more than ever in my life and marriage. It was subtle and definitely didn't happen over night. It took time, swallowing my tongue, truly living out patience as opposed to just praying for it and then exploding, AND lots of prayer!!! It took Christ in my life and FULL surrender to the fact that though I've prayed for this change for years, I couldn't do it on my own.

What happened last weekend? My husband told me how hard it was for him when I would explode and how amazing our marriage has been the past 1 1/2 years. I didn't realize the hurt it was causing him until I saw the change in my life reflected in our marriage.

What's most interesting is I tell people all the time, without noticing, that our marriage is better now than ever before. I feel like we're still honeymooners. We're not infatuated, we're truly in love with one another and with Jesus Christ.

My 25th year has been a turning point for the better. There were other wonderful things that I noticed happen, but this was by far the most important to me. I still continue to pray for meekness, kindness, mercy, gentleness, and patience. I have too, because I need Jesus everyday in my life and marriage and I can't do it on my own.

I welcome my 26th birthday and can't wait to see where I'll be next year in my spiritual walk, my marriage and my life =)